Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really, Want.

I was listening to a podcast the other day about artists being honest with themselves and answering the question, ‘what do I want?’ At first, I was completely thrown off by the question because the host was talking about it in such a narrow way.

He basically was saying, if you’re not working on your creative goals daily, and it’s not flowing through you naturally or doesn’t activate you every time you start, then something is wrong, and you need to ask yourself, ‘what you want?’ Immediately, I started looking at my own career and patterns daily and noticed that sometimes my own creativity waxed and waned. It wasn’t constant. It didn’t always activate me, and only sometimes it felt like it flowed naturally. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my days when work comes supernaturally and I can bust through my projects and goals quickly—but every once and a while there is a lull that causes my productivity to fluctuate.

“Regardless of the circumstance, and the distractions, you must press forward.”

Recently, I’ve been really trying to narrow down the intent and purpose of my blog and give it a little meaning behind what I’m doing, but I’ve noticed that at the same time, I have also been inconsistent with my work. My mental energy has been so caught up in what I want it to be, that I have forgotten to keep the small daily goals that I had set a while back. Does this mean that I need to ask myself ‘what I want?’ Does it mean that I need to reevaluate my goals just because my work isn’t consistent and sometimes is exhausting? No. Will I continue to answer my own questions immediately after I answer them? Yes.

The idea the host of the podcast, which will remain unnamed, was getting at, was that sometimes we’re looking at our end goal in the wrong way. If we want to be a painter but were not painting daily, then something is wrong. I took it personally because I have been struggling to formalize my thoughts and put pen to paper. I started doubting myself, my intentions, questioning my reasoning, and looking way to introspectively at everything I was working towards. BUT, he was right. Regardless of the circumstance, and the distractions, you must press forward. We have to take our dreams by our own hands and walk them into fruition, every day.

Right after I listened to the podcast and had a mini meltdown I remembered Bill Murray from What About Bob? “Baby steps through the office. Baby steps out the door.” Baby steps to making my dreams become a reality. Baby steps to writing. Baby steps to painting. Baby steps to my espresso machine.

Now all I need along with these baby steps is total abandon and fearless courage and total focus to ignore the naysayers who make me question my every move.

God make me Oprah!

Does anyone else feel this way about the creative process? Or am I alone on this struggle canoe?



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